Truth and Consequences

[confessorlove]

Title: Truth and Consequences
Author: confessorlove
Rating: PG
Pairing: Richard and Kahlan
Summary: Richard and Kahlan have to deal with the consequences of acting on their impulses in a certain magical waterfall.
Author's Notes: Written for my bbballecer's birthday which was Monday so I'm late. SORRY BB!! <3333 also for my kissbingo square WILD CARD Emotion: Surprise. Sequel to my fic Mists of Ecstasy. Thanks to itsmorganabitch  for some ideas and theonlyspl  for the beta. ILU guys <33333
Disclaimer: I don't own them. I just like to make them do my bidding.

 

There had been nothing but awkward silence between them since leaving the waterfall a week earlier.  Even Zedd was beginning to sense that something wasn’t quite right with his friends.  Kahlan knew she had to tell Richard the truth before it got even more awkward between them. She couldn’t stand the thought of telling him the truth but she knew she had to.  He would never forgive her if she hid the truth from him.  Besides, she wasn’t entirely sure but she could sense something different within her magic.  However, she wouldn’t tell him, not until she was sure.  She had to tell him that they couldn’t be together though.  No matter how much more awkward things got, he needed to know.

The moonlight was shining through the trees as she made her way over to him.  He had taken first watch after dinner.  She didn’t worry about Zedd overhearing them as he always fell into a deep sleep after eating.  He heard her approach, turning and smiling at her as she neared him.  It broke her heart to think he wouldn’t be smiling at her like that once she finished explaining.   She didn’t want to get too close as to encourage his emotions but as soon as she was close enough he closed the distance between them, pressing his lips to hers, not seeing the pain in her eyes at what she was about to do.

She was about to push him away when she felt it and knew for sure.  She had been wondering for a few days, but now she was certain.  She was pregnant.  She couldn’t believe that she, a confessor, was going to have a baby with a man she loved but at the same time, her heart ached at the thought of telling him.  She didn’t want to tell him they could never be together again and now with the baby, it would be even harder.

She pushed him away as his words from the day they took Renn to Thandor resonated in her mind. “Well if we ever get to be parents, I guess we will have had some practice.” She had dreamed of having a child with him ever since he said that, and now she was.

“Kahlan, what’s wrong?”  He seemed shaken by the fact that she had pulled away.  True they had hardly spoken since that morning at the waterfall but now that they knew of each other’s feelings, he wasn’t going to not kiss her if Zedd wasn’t around.

“Richard there is something I have to tell you.”  She was trying to hide the pain this was causing her, but her Confessor’s face was failing her, the first time she could remember it doing so.

He could see the pain etched on her face as she struggled to find the words to tell him the truth.  “What is it, Kahlan?” He said as he reached out to stroke her cheek with the back of his hand, only to have her pull away from his touch.

Her voice broke with emotion as she began to speak, knowing that even if he might be happy about the baby they would never be able to give their child any siblings.  “I…we, we can never do that again.  There can’t be an us.  We can’t be together.”

His heart dropped into his stomach.  There had to be a reason.  He would find a way.  He wasn’t going to listen to her on this.  They were going to be together.  “Why? Tell me why Kahlan.  I have to know.  I thought we had something special.  Didn’t you enjoy our time in the waterfall?”  His voice was nearly breaking with emotion.  He loved her and he wasn’t going to let her go, ever.

She felt terrible hearing the pleading tone in his voice.  She wanted nothing more than to kiss him and take away his hurt, but she couldn’t.  “Of course I did, Richard.  It’s just…we can’t do it again.  My powers would destroy you.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I know.  It’s complicated.  Confessors have to constantly hold their power in.”  She said with a sigh.  “We can’t control it if we were too…” She trailed off hoping he would understand what she was trying to tell him.  She needed him to understand this before she could tell him about the baby.

Realization washed over him as he listened to her words.  Magic was going to keep them apart but he wouldn’t let it.  One thing was still bothering him though.  He wasn’t affected by her magic when they were in the falls.  Why?  “Then why were we together in the falls?  Your powers didn’t hurt me then.”  He knew he was fishing for answers and she more than likely had a reason it was okay for them to be together at the falls but he couldn’t help but hope that maybe her magic had just not affected him like a normal person.  He was already in love with her.  Magic couldn’t possibly make him love her anymore than he already did.

“The waterfall had magical properties.  It suppressed my powers.  I had heard stories of places like it, but until I was standing in the water and couldn’t feel my power, I had never believed.”   Her eyes were filling with tears as she spoke; it was painfully evident that she felt guilty about what she had done that day.  She never wanted to hurt him, but in that moment, everything she wanted was within her grasp.  She had been too weak to refuse.  “I didn’t want to waste my only chance to experience love like that.  I know I was selfish and I used you.  I’m so sorry, Richard.  What can I ever do to make it up to you?”

It broke his heart seeing her like this.  She was blaming herself when it wasn’t her fault.  They had both wanted it and were both equally responsible for what had happened that morning.  When he saw the tears start to spill from her eyes he wrapped his arms around her, not caring that they couldn’t ever be together.  He only wanted to make her happy again.  He held her close and even though she resisted for a moment, it wasn’t long before she was clinging to him like she needed nothing more than to be in his arms.  “You don’t need to make it up to me.  It wasn’t your fault and I understand why.  We both wanted it though.  We are both responsible.”

She clung to him, inhaling his scent for a moment before pulling out of his embrace.  “Don’t forgive me.  I haven’t told you everything yet.  There were consequences to our actions.”  She sniffled and shuffled her feet, staring at the ground attempting to gather the courage to tell him he was going to be a father.

“Yes.  There were consequences Kahlan.  We both have to let our hearts heal now that we know the truth but that isn’t something we can’t handle.  Look at me,” he said as he gently tilted her face up to look him in the eyes, “we can get through this.  We have gotten through worse.”

“That wasn’t the consequence I was talking about.”

“Then what were you talking about?”

She bit her lip as more tears spilled from her eyes.  “I’m pregnant.”

He was shocked.  That was not what he had been expecting her to say but after her words sunk in he started to smile.  “We are going to be parents.  We’re having a baby.”  There was no hiding the excitement in his voice.  He was completely thrilled.

She couldn’t help but smile at his reaction.  “Yes Richard.  We are having a baby.”  He was so happy.  She couldn’t believe he was this happy after what she had just told him.  Before she knew it she was off the ground, in his arms as he spun her around.

She was opening her mouth to stop him, but the words had barely left her lips before he was kissing her, silencing her before she could ruin the perfect moment with more talk of their impossible future.  He couldn’t believe he was having a baby with the woman he loved more than anything.  And after what she had just told him about her powers, this was even more special.  This quite possibly would never have happened if they hadn’t found that waterfall and now they would always have a little reminder of that day.  Miracles do happen.

She pulled away from him before she made the mistake of kissing him back.  “Richard, why did you do that?  I told you, we can’t be together.”

“I know. I just couldn’t help it.  I couldn’t stop myself.”

She would have given anything to not have to tell him not to kiss her anymore but she knew these emotions needed to be controlled and encouraging his feelings would only make it harder to handle in the long run. “Try and stop yourself.  We can’t do that.”

“I know Kahlan.” His voice was full of pain at not being able to kiss the mother of his child, but he would respect her wishes.  No matter how hard it would be.  He loved her with his whole heart but he knew he had to stay quiet.  It would only make it harder for both of them if he kept reminding her of the love that, in her mind, they could never have.

It was awkward between them for the next few days.  They both desperately wanted to share this experience with the others, yet they were afraid of getting too close and causing even more heartaches.  After a week of the awkward silence and avoiding each other, Richard did something he thought would make things better between them.  He showed up back in camp after going hunting, or so he said, returning with a small wrapped bundle under his arm.  Kahlan was curious but she said nothing, preferring to keep widening the rift that was ever growing between them. 

They hadn’t told Zedd about the baby.  They were both afraid of how he would react and she was determined to stay by her Seeker’s side.  She knew that Zedd would send her away if he found out, so she was going to keep it from him for as long as possible.  The distance between them was already enough without them having to go their separate ways.  She couldn’t bear the thought of leaving his side, no matter the cost.

She was sitting in front of the fire, her green blanket wrapped snuggly around her.  She didn’t look up when he sat next to her.  It wasn’t until he spoke her name that she even acknowledged his presence.  “What is this Kahlan?  I know you said we can’t be together but can’t things at least be like they were?  I miss that.  I miss talking to you.  I feel like I’m gaining a daughter but losing my best friend.”

She tried to hide her tears from him but he grasped her chin lightly, tilting her to look at him. She couldn’t hold back the tears as she looked into his warm brown eyes.  “I wish it were that simple.” Her voice broke with emotion as she sniffed back the tears.  “Things are different now and we can’t pretend they aren’t, no matter how much we may want to.”

“Kahlan.  Just because you say we can’t be together doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.”  He reached behind his back and pulled out the small wrapped bundle he had brought back to camp with him and placed it in her hands.  She looked at him curiously but he simply encouraged her to open the package.  She unwrapped it slowly until she had exposed the soft pale pink blanket he had bought for their daughter.

Her eyes lit up when she saw it, pulling it from the wrapping and holding it to her chest.  She didn’t notice the small box that fell out of the center of the blanket.  Richard plucked the small box off the ground before turning his attention to Kahlan.  Her eyes shining with tears because Richard had bought their daughter a blanket, he had only known of her existence for a week and he was already trying to spoil his little girl. She was clutching the blanket to her chest as if it was the most precious thing in the world when he moved so that he was sitting in front of her, taking her hand in his as he looked into her eyes.  “Kahlan,” he spoke her name softly, almost tentatively. 

She stared deeply into his warm brown eyes for a moment before answering him.  “What is it Richard?”

He had thought he had known what he was going to say but now, looking into her eyes, he forgot everything.  He was speechless.  He let go of her hand and opened the small box revealing a beautiful silver ring crowned with three sparkling diamonds. One to represent each of them and the child she now carried and the fact that their lives were now forever joined in the love they felt for each other and their daughter.  “Kahlan.  I know we haven’t known each other long, but you complete me, and I want nothing more than to make you my wife.  Even if you say we can never be together, that’s okay with me.  I want nothing more than to make you the happiest woman alive for the rest of your life.”

Listening to him and watching him pull the beautiful ring from its box, she broke down sobbing.  She wanted nothing more than to marry him; to spend their lives together, but she knew it would only lead to more heartache.  She wanted their daughter to have a normal family but she knew that would never be.  She wasn’t normal, she was a confessor and her powers would always come before love.  “I can’t Richard,” she said as she choked back a sob, “I can’t marry you.  It wouldn’t be fair.  You deserve a wife who can love you and is everything you deserve.  I’m not that.”

His heart broke at her words.  He wanted nothing more than to make her happy and if he couldn’t have certain things because he was making her happy he was okay with that.  “Kahlan, I don’t want another wife.  I want you.”

“But you can’t have me.”  Her voice was louder than she had intended and she started backing away from him.  She couldn’t say yes, despite how much her heart was aching to.

“Why do you keep insisting that we can’t?  I know we could be together if we just tried to find a way.”

“It’s not possible.  Confessors don’t have love.  That’s it.” She got up from the ground and started walking away.

He got up and caught her arm, turning her to face him.  “That isn’t true.  You have me. I love you.”

She pulled out of his grasp, trying to hide her emotions behind her Confessor’s face.  “You shouldn’t.  I took advantage of you and I don’t deserve you.  I can’t have you and you can’t have me.”

“You didn’t take advantage of me. We both wanted it.”

“And that is why we can never have it.”  She marched off into the woods, hoping that being away from him for a while would help her cool off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been nearly four months since their time in the waterfall, things where still awkward between them but they weren’t as bad as they had been.  She thought for sure she was going to lose him when he was captured by Denna but they had managed to rescue him.   Saving him from Denna was what had made it less awkward between them.  They were finally able to talk without all the awkward pauses.  She was forever grateful that she could talk to him now. 

She had been completely convinced that she had lost him when Zedd told her that Denna had him.  She was sure she had lost him forever.  She still blamed herself for his capture.  She was sure that if she hadn’t left he would have been safe.  The Mord’Sith have always feared Confessors and what their touch would do to them.  Looking back on it now, she regretted her choice to leave him, but after the kiss that night, she couldn’t stop herself.  She knew she needed to be away from him or else things would get even more complicated.

She had been so ashamed of giving in that night after telling him they could never be together.  She had been fully intent on leaving him and never returning, but hearing he was captured, she forgot everything save her need to protect him.  He was her Seeker and the father of her child, his life was more important than anyone else in the whole world.

She knew they needed to tell Zedd soon.  She was starting to show some and she knew it would be much worse if he figured it out before they had a chance to talk to him.  She needed to talk to Richard about making a plan of attack for talking to Zedd.  They were lucky; Zedd had gone off to get the key so they could hide the Box of Orden away safely.  This would give them the time they needed to talk before meeting up with Zedd that evening.  She was just about to say something to him when she heard the battle cries of D’Haran soldiers rushing towards them.

He turned and looked at her instantly, his eyes filled with concern.  “Run Kahlan, hide!” 

“I’m not leaving you Richard.”  She pulled her daggers and charged into the oncoming D’Harans, Richard right beside her.  They were fighting the soldiers side by side, avoiding the advances and cutting down their enemies. They were outnumbered, but that had never stopped them before.  The Sword of Truth cutting through the D’Harans with ease as Kahlan and her daggers kept up with him despite her condition.  Richard was taking on two while Kahlan finished off one.  She lunged at him with her daggers but he was ready for her, kicking her in the stomach and knocking her on her back.  Richard was there immediately; his sword piercing the chest of the man who dared hurt her, killing him instantly.

He was at her side before she knew it. Her hands were on her belly hoping and praying that their child was alright.  She was in pain and she didn’t know what to do.  “Kahlan.” He pulled her head into his lap as he spoke her name, his hands joining hers over their child, silently begging the Good Spirits not to take her from them.  “We need to get you to Zedd.  Can you walk?”

“I think so.”

He helped her to her feet and that’s when he saw the blood staining her beautiful white dress. He knew she had no injuries so this had to be the baby.  He wouldn’t let her lose their child.  He helped her walk the remaining distance to their meeting place with Zedd.  They were almost there when he picked her up.  She had been moving so slow he was worried if they didn’t reach Zedd soon their daughter would be gone.

Zedd looked up from his plate of food as he heard the rustling of someone coming through the trees.  He assumed it was Richard and Kahlan but you could never be too careful.  The sight of Richard carrying Kahlan in his arms had him on his feet and abandoning his food immediately.  Kahlan needed his help.  “What’s wrong?”  Richard laid Kahlan down near the fire and Zedd hovered over her.

“Help her Zedd. She is going to lose our child if you don’t.” 

Zedd was completely shocked but he went to work right away, feeling for the damage and healing her the best he could.  He worked at it for quite a while before sitting back on his heels.  “There isn’t anything else I can do.  The baby should make it but Kahlan needs to rest.  Now, why don’t you tell me how she came to be carrying your child in the first place?”

Kahlan had only been half paying attention to everything Zedd said, her hands caressing her belly letting their child know that she would be okay. “She is going to be ok?”

“Yes Kahlan, she will be fine. Now tell me how it is you’re with child when Richard isn’t confessed.”

“Well…”  Kahlan started but Richard cut her off knowing this wasn’t the time or place to discuss this. “It doesn’t matter Zedd.  All that matters is Kahlan and the baby are safe.”

“You’re right Richard.  That is what matters,” Zedd said with a sigh.

FIVE MONTHS LATER

They were walking through the forest, headed for Aydindril when the pain assaulted her lower back.  She was grabbing at her back, the pains coming and going as they walked.  Both Richard and Zedd knew something was wrong with Kahlan, she was going into labor and they weren’t going to make it to Aydindril in time.  “Kahlan you have to stop.”  She was told that over and over again but she wouldn’t listen to either of them.  She didn’t want to give birth here. 

She kept walking until the pain grew to be too much and she couldn’t walk anymore.  She knew her daughter was going to be joining them soon and all she could think was that she should be in Aydindril.  Her daughter should be born in Aydindril not in the middle of a forest.  Although the more she thought about it the more it made sense that their daughter would be born in the woods.  Between her contractions and yelps of pain she let her mind wander to all the time she and Richard had spent in the forests.  He loved the trees and the trees would be looking down on their daughter as she entered the world.

Richard helped her lay in a bed of brightly colored fall leaves as sweat beaded on her forehead.  She had been in pain for hours and wanted nothing more than to sleep.   She was exhausted and if it wasn’t for the fact that their daughter was counting on her to bring her into the world she would have given up.  She felt like this would never end but Richard was constantly encouraging her and letting her know he was with her through this whole thing.  She couldn’t wait to hold her daughter in her arms, but all she wanted to do was rest.  “You can do it Kahlan.  You’re almost there,” he said as she screamed in pain again.  His encouraging words were all she needed.  They were everything to her in that moment.

It wasn’t long before their daughter’s cries filled the crisp fall air.  Zedd handing water to clean off the small child before wrapping her in the blanket Richard had bought for her so many months ago.  Cradling his daughter in his arms he moved behind Kahlan, setting her between his legs and placing their daughter in her arms.  He placed a kiss to Kahlan’s sweat slicked brow as his hand caressed his daughter’s already healthy supply of dark hair so like her mother’s.  “She is beautiful, Kahlan.  Just like you.”

Kahlan pressed a kiss to her daughter’s forehead before looking up at Richard.  “She needs a name.”

“She does need a name.”  He took in the beauty of the fall afternoon all around him before smiling at her, “how about Autumn?”

“It’s perfect. Autumn Cypher.”  She rested against his chest, so glad that over the past few months, things had gotten less awkward between them.  They were both still dancing around their feelings, but things were getting better.  Things weren’t as awkward and she hoped, now that their daughter was here, things would be even better.  Even though she was plagued with her concern about someday giving Autumn sisters, she knew that miracles happened and Richard would never give up on finding a way for them to be together.  And if nothing else, there was always the waterfall.