Full Circle

[confessorlove]

Title: Full Circle
Author: confessorlove
Pairing: Richard and Kahlan
Rating: PG
Summary: Richard and Kahlan celebrate Valentine's Day.
Author's Notes: To all my readers.  Have a special Valentine's Day treat. Not beta'd so all mistakes are my own.
Disclaimer: I don't own them. I just like to make them do my bidding.

 

It was their first Valentine’s Day together.  Even though Kahlan had told him over and over that nothing could come of them he still felt the need to do something for her.  After all, she was the love of his life.  He would never forgive himself if he didn’t do something for Kahlan.  He spent days, covertly planning things with Zedd so everything could be perfect.  His grandfather hadn’t been too thrilled with the idea of a surprise for Kahlan on Valentine’s Day when Richard knew they could never be.  He didn’t want them to get hurt by the promise of something they could never have.

Once everything was set, Richard sent Zedd head to the next town, not far from Kahlan’s home, after promising he and Kahlan would meet up with him the next day and that they wouldn’t do anything stupid.  Richard knew Zedd was concerned that Kahlan would confess him but Richard didn’t care.  He would gladly give his soul to her willingly.  There was no need for her to take it, it was already hers.

Kahlan had been suspicious of Richard’s behavior and when he sent Zedd away she knew something was up.  Sometimes she just couldn’t figure that man out.  He was like a mystery wrapped in a puzzle and she loved it.  Kahlan watched as Zedd rode away from them, heading for the next town, his form getting smaller and smaller in the distance before finally vanishing.  When she was sure Zedd was gone the pit of her stomach erupted with butterflies.  She was nervous thinking about what Richard had planned, especially considering her powers.  She desperately didn’t want that in the way though she knew it would always be there, like a third person in the room standing between them and preventing the closeness they both desired.

Richard smiled at her, that boyish grin that always made her weak in the knees.  She was grateful for his arm around her waist since she knew if he hadn’t been supporting her, she would have fallen to the ground.  “I have a surprise for you, Kahlan.”  He whispered in her ear and though his tone was nothing but playful and loving she still found herself worrying.  Zedd wasn’t there to stop them if they lost control.  Kahlan pulled out of his embrace and leaned against a large oak tree, her arms crossed beneath her breasts as she watched him hobble the horses and grab his pack.  “What kind of surprise?”

“You’ll see.”  He smirked, swinging his pack onto his back and taking her hand, leading her through the trees to a small clearing.

“This is my surprise?”  She asked, her eyebrow arched and a hint of curiosity in her voice.

Richard couldn’t help but laugh.  For someone who was so insistent that they could never be together, Kahlan was certainly curious.  He loved that about her.  “Patience, Kahlan.  Do you know what today is?”  He watched as her brow furrowed in concentration before she slowly shook her head.  Slightly taken aback that she had no idea the significant of the day he continued.  “It’s Valentine’s Day.”

Kahlan’s laughter was unexpected; he didn’t know why she had suddenly started laughing like the thought of Valentine’s Day was so amusing.  “What’s so funny?”

She struggled to control herself, taking a moment to compose herself before she answered him.  “Confessors don’t celebrate it.  There is no reason for us to celebrate a holiday that’s single purpose is to celebrate the love we can never have.”

Richard couldn’t believe what he was hearing; she didn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day.  Why hadn’t he realized it sooner?  Now that he thought about it, it made sense.  Why would these women celebrate something they can’t have?  It was then that he realized that Valentine’s Day could be hard for Kahlan.  He was suddenly very glad he had decided to keep her in the woods and out of town.  He didn’t want her to have to see all the couples holding hands and casting each other glances full of longing.  He was sure that seeing people having what they wanted so desperately would have broken her heart.  “I’m sorry.”  He said as he set his pack down in the center of the clearing, “If you want to just go catch up with Zedd, I understand.  I didn’t realize Confessors didn’t celebrate.”

Kahlan took his hand in hers, squeezing it lightly as she stared into his deep brown eyes that held her captive and tugged at her very soul.  “No, I want to celebrate with you.  You’re the only person I would ever want to celebrate with.”

Richard smiled, bringing her hand up to his lips and lightly placing a kiss to her knuckles before setting to work getting the surprise ready.  Kahlan watched as he pulled a blanket out of his back and spread it out beneath the largest of the oak trees surrounding the clearing.  Carefully he set out a small picnic lunch for the two of them.  He took a moment to get situated on the blanket, leaning against the tree before opening his arms to her, inviting her to join him.  She went to him without any hesitation, immediately curling into his warm embrace.  “I love you, Kahlan.”  He spoke, placing a light kiss to her temple before handing her some lunch.

Kahlan took the offered food, closing her eyes when he spoke.  She knew he loved her but hearing it when she knew there was no way for them to be together broke her heart.  She longed to tell him she loved him too but she didn’t know if she could.  Her powers were always standing between them and her years of training constantly reminding her to keep her emotions guarded.

As if sensing her thoughts, Richard whispered into her ear in an attempt to sooth her worries.  As much as he loved her and wanted to be with her, if they could never do more than cuddle and kiss, he would be a very happy man.  “It’s okay Kahlan.  You don’t have to say it.  I know it’s hard for you to admit but I also know how you feel.”

She snuggled against his chest, nodding slightly; grateful he understood why she was so worried about speaking the words.  “I’m glad you understand Richard. I’m just scared.  I don’t want to break your heart.”

He lovingly stroked her arm, resting his cheek to the top of her head before speaking.  “You could never break my heart.  You will always have my heart even if we never find a way to be together, I want you to know that I’m yours forever.”

Kahlan couldn’t help the tears that came to her eyes, her hand moving to her mouth in an attempt to hold back a sob.  This man was perfect.  Why did the world have to be so cruel?  She just wished she could be without her powers for one day to show him how much he means to her.  Why couldn’t the Spirits grant her that?  “And I’m yours,” was all she could say before the sobs overtook her.  She hated that she was crying on Valentine’s Day when he had tried so hard to make it special but at the same time the tears were healing her.  She couldn’t help but feel guilty for what she had said. She had told him she was his even though it could never be.  She didn’t want to lead him on like that even though he knew of her powers. 

“Shhhh Kahlan don’t cry.”

His voice was soothing, like a lullaby sent to calm her.  She clung to the sound of his voice like it was the most important thing in the world.  “I can’t truly be yours.”  Her words came out like a raking sob.  It broke his heart to see her like that.

“Kahlan, look at me.”  He continued speaking in that same soothing voice as he grasped her face gently, forcing her to look at him.  When her sapphire eyes locked on his he continued.  “We may not know how to be together – yet, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a way.  I’ll find it.  Trust me, I’m the Seeker.  But until I find it I’m happy just knowing that I hold your heart and you hold mine.”

Her eyes once again filled with tears as she leaned in, placing a light kiss to his lips.  “I wish I knew how you always manage to make me feel better.”

Richard just shrugged. “It doesn’t matter how as long as I make you feel better.”  Kahlan smiled at him, watching curiously as he shifted, unsheathing his knife and turning slightly towards the tree.  “And even if we haven’t found a way we still belong to each other.”  With that he started to silently carve their initials into the tree, inclosing the R and K with a heart.  It didn’t take him long but it was obvious how much love he put into it.  When he finished he turned back to Kahlan, a look of pride on his face as he stared into her glistening orbs.  Richard trailed his thumb across her cheekbone, wiping away the tear that had been released.  “Now the whole world can know we are together forever.”

She smiled the special smile she saved only for him and kissed him lightly.  She didn’t want to think about how impossible it was that they would ever truly be together.  She just wanted to savor the moment as a normal woman.  It seemed impossible but at least there would always be this symbol of the love they shared carved into that tree.

SEVEN YEARS LATER

Ella had wanted to out into the woods and Richard was more than willing to take her.  He loved spending time with his daughter, teaching her about the ways of the forest.  He had decided to take her for the day, giving Kahlan a chance to rest.  She had been getting tired more and with the morning sickness and the council on top of it all, she needed a break. 

Richard rode with Ella in his lap for quite awhile, her constant pestering to know if they were there yet wearing on his nerves.  He had never taken her this far from Aydindril before but he knew taking her somewhere new to teach her about plants and animals always got her interested.  He finally stopped about a league from Meadowland, which wasn’t far from Aydindril.  Richard remembered passing through the town long ago on his quest to defeat Darken Rahl.  But now the world was safe and he was just a father taking his daughter to learn about plants.

Layla watched as her father hobbled the horse, knowing that she would soon be learning something new.  She wandered off the path and into a small clearing, her little eyes trying to absorb all of her surroundings before being called for lessons.  She knew the names of the big trees surrounding the clearing and the small flowers littering the ground.  She picked a tiny forget me knot and sat one of the large trees, waiting for her father to find her.

She could hear her father calling for her but she didn’t answer.  She was too transfixed on something carved into a tree on the other side of the clearing.  Layla smiled, she knew a heart when she saw it but she couldn’t figure out what it was doing in the tree.  She stood, crossing the clearing and standing before the towering oak, tracing the heart with her delicate fingers.  “R + K.”  She read aloud, grateful she could remember her alphabet.

“Layla!”  She heard him call again as he traipsed through the brush and into the clearing.  He saw grateful when he found her but seeing her tracing her fingers over the delicate outline of that heart caused his breath to catch.  “Layla what are you doing?”

The young girl didn’t answer him; instead she spun towards him, her dark hair flying in all directions as she stared at him.  Those blue eyes so like her mother’s captivating him, holding him prisoner.  Staring at her was just like seeing his wife.  Layla was like Kahlan in miniature.  “What’s this Daddy?”  She pointed at the carving, a curious gleam in her eye.

Richard smiled as he sank to his knees before his daughter, pulling her into his arms and holding her tight.  He had thought he would never find this tree again but here it was.  He couldn’t believe it.  Seeing it now, thinking back on all he had promised when he carved their initials into the tree, it had all come true.  He and Kahlan were living the life they could only dream about so long ago.  The reality of it brought a tear to his eye.

He took a moment to regain his composure before sitting with his back to the tree, just as he had done so long ago, and pulling his daughter into his lap.  “What is it?” 

Richard smiled as he told her the story of the last time he had been in that clearing, of how he had carved his and Kahlan’s initials into the tree as a symbol of how they belonged to each other forever.  Layla smiled as she listened to her father’s tale, letting her mind wander and imagining what it was like for her mother that day. How happy she would have been.  “Someday I’ll have my name in a tree too.”

Richard smiled at his daughter, very carefully pulling out his knife he turned towards the tree, placing the tip of the knife against the bark, right beneath the original carving.  “You don’t have to wait for someday, Princess.”  She watched, entranced by the sight of him carving an L into the tree before enclosing it with a heart.  “There.  Now you are always there with me and mommy.”

“What about the new baby?  Shouldn’t she be there too?”

Richard smiled at his little girl’s thoughtfulness.  Even at only five she still didn’t want her sister to be left out, even if she wasn’t yet born.  “Of course but Mommy and I haven’t picked a name yet.”

Layla shrugged her eyes sparkling with mischievousness.  “Then just put a heart.”

Richard couldn’t help but smile at his daughter’s cleverness, yet another trait she had inherited from her mother.  “Then someday after your sister is here I’ll come back and add her initial.”  He spoke as he carved the heart right next to the one he had carved for Layla.  She watched her father, smiling as he took her idea and made it reality.  She couldn’t wait until Mommy found out.  Layla was sure she would be thrilled. 

When Richard finished he took a moment to admire his handy work before taking Layla’s tiny hand in his.  “How about we go home and see Mommy?”

Layla smiled up at him before tugging on his hand.  “Let’s go! I wanna tell Mommy about this.”

Richard just shook his head and laughed, scooping the little girl into his arms and carrying her back to the horse.  He was glad that she had fun with him on their adventure into the woods.  He wished it would always be like this.  That his daughter would always want to spend time with him but he knew, deep down that things change and children grow up.  He just had to accept it.

Months later he returned to that same clearing, Layla on his shoulders, his arm around Kahlan’s waist as she held tiny baby Sophia securely in her arms.  He helped her through the brush, making sure she didn’t trip before bringing her to stand before the massive oak tree, the worn carving he had made so many years previous still clearly visible next to the more recent smaller hearts.  The beautiful sight brought tears to Kahlan’s eyes.  It seemed like another lifetime ago that they had been there; thinking of the future they only wished they could have as Richard carved into the tree but now it had all come true.  She was living the life she had dreamed about all those years earlier.

Kahlan shifted Sophia in her arms and reached out, tracing the outline of the hearts with her fingertips.  She turned to Richard only to find him smiling at her, the look in his eyes conveying all the love he felt in his heart.  She watched him help Layla off his shoulders before taking his knife and carving an S into the very center of the small empty heart. 

“It was my idea, Mommy.”  Layla said as she pulled on Kahlan’s skirt, begging for attention.  “It was my idea for Sophia to have a heart too.”

“That was a wonderful idea.” 

Kahlan smiled taking in the perfect moment she was spending with her family.  She loved it and wouldn’t have changed that moment for anything in the world.  She listened to Richard and Layla tell her about finding the tree again so many months ago, smiling to herself at the thought of Richard and Layla planning this together.

Together the family had lunch in the shade of the oak tree, the ancient tree watching over them.  Though no one thought about it, in that moment everything had come full circle.  They were sitting in the same place they had so many years previous only now they had their family and with the carvings in that tree it was obvious to the whole world that they would have their family – forever.